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Date of review: 26-March-1999
Type Of Review: Flashman's
The Only Warrior to Stand Against the
Microsoft Force Feedback Wheel?
The review on the Microsoft Sidewinder Force Feedback Wheel by Julian Lit two days back actually shocked me profoundly, for the damndest reason of all - if Microsoft couldn't come up with a decent wheel, who the hell can? I thought that I would buy Microsoft as a default choice, very much like buying a bloody stupid Creative card as a default choice.
But if the default choice were bloody flawed, it was time to rethink my assumptions. Meaning, I gotta decide otherwise and look hard this time. So, off your lazy ass, boy!
What worried me in Julian's article was:
1) He installed the wheel on the gameport, and
2) There was steering lag.
Gameport, SHITPOT! My gameport is the domain of my Force Feedback Pro joystick, and I don't relish the fact that I gotta plug in and plug out all the time. This is shit!
But it was not clear in Julian's review, so I checked out the web for more comments from Ang Mo kias about this point. Lookit a sample of what I found, and you guys puke babes!
"The fact that the wheel is gameport-only bothers us."
So it's confirmed. It's a stupid screw-up. Microsoft didn't have the chip technology for USB force feedback eh? So those valued critics of mine would say, so what if there's no USB? I'll tell you 'so what'.
- 1) So, you experience steering lag coz the gameport's slower than a grandma snail! Julian's article
- 2) So, you gotta plug and unplug the bloody thing until your gameport feels like a used whore. Definitely not for the virtuous. Even the Pope (who incidentally released a CD with him rapping to pop music) would not absolve that kinda whore man!
- 3) So, you won't be able to tell your friends, MY FORCE FEEDBACK USB LAH, YOUR ONE WEAK LAH BECAUSE USE GAMEPORT ONLY. YOU STUPID FREAK! GAMEPORT ALREADY NOT HAPPENING MAN! (That's how I usually speak to my friends. Why I downgrade myself to using less expressive lamer shit proper English when I write this column is beyond me.)
So, damnit, a gameport FF Wheel is like being pissed on by your friends after they punch you down. So Flashman's imperious recommendation Number 1:
THOSE WHO BUY THE MICROSOFT FORCE FEEDBACK WHEEL AFTER READING THIS ARTICLE SHOULD BE PUNISHED WITH A WHIP FROM THE NEAREST S&M STORE IN AUSTRALIA FOR MAKING THEIR GAMEPORT A BLOODY WELL USED WHORE.